Saturday 23 March 2013

I really MISS you

Whenever I look at the sky,....I will think of you, both of you. I used to address both of you as popo(婆婆) and gonggong(公公). In just 10 years, I lost the two of you. The image of you both holding hands and watching over us from the heaven makes me calm and makes me think that the life is too short. I will treasure those beside me. Gonggong, during your funeral, I prayed that you will finally find popo in the afterlife. I really hope you did and at least, both of you will be reunited once more after 10 years separation. Gonggong, when I was a kid, honestly, I didnt like you. You have always given me the stern look and scoldings. You made me scared to go back to the village. However, ever since popo passed away, you were alone and were constantly in battle with disease. From a strict grandpa, you turned into an elder I paid attention to. I remember the place where we would meet was the hospital ward. The smell of the hospital, which ward you would be admitted and the direction to your ward were already embedded in my mind over the years. We heard you always grumbled on petty matters. Maybe that's how everyone would become in their golden age, including me. We knew you seek for attention from your children and also your grandchildren. Mom always went back to accompany you whenever she was free. You made mom as your favourite child and always told her your feelings. We knew you were in agony, in pain but we couldnt help much except to visit you from time to time. We were glad that we paid you visit when you were facing the final moment of your life. You left hurry in the afternoon on a Sunday and we were very closed to the hospital. Maybe popo came to fetch you and you left with her that day. We were acknowledged that you left the world alone. Maybe you chose to go alone, you didnt want to see us to shed tears for you. Most people only came back to see you during your funeral and Im glad that we constantly visited you. You have so many grandchildren and Im glad you remembered my name before you left. I asked myself, have I wronged you while you were still alive? I tried to think back if I have wronged you in any ways and Im so glad, I did not. Popo, I missed the gentle smile on your face, the woman who dedicated herself to the family, a woman expert in cooking and a woman busy on doing household chores. You had always been kind and gentle to all your grandchildren, forgave the wrongs they did. You made mom your favourite child and mom grew in resemblance to you. I saw you in her from time to time. I was too young when you passed away and I never had the chance to be a filial grandchild. Your sudden departure was really sad and I loved you for being so good to me. Your death made an impact in my life. Whenever I saw old lady cycling in the morning to go to the market, I thought of you. Thought of how hard was your life and how you managed to stood still in times of hardships. We learned of the hardships from mom and we really saw you as a heroine. I promised myself not to let anyone I love especially my parents to go through the hardships you did. I wanted my parents to live a luxury life and if you were still alive, I would have counted both you and gonggong in. That is why I study so hard to make my plan possible. I do not want my mom and dad to keep working until the end. I want them to enjoy their golden age with peace and comfort. See how you greatly influenced me? I always saw you as a cute grandmother and I always adored you when I was a kid. We are now separated by two different realms and I am sure, one day....all of us will be reunited again once more, to catch up where we left off. I love you both.

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